


entering the badlands

by babymocha



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Character Decline, Child Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Mental Breakdown, More tags will be added later, Past Child Abuse, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-08 20:15:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5511620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babymocha/pseuds/babymocha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <sup>She is a ghoul, hardened by her childhood. She likes to think of herself as ruthless and unforgivable, but in reality, she's anything but. </sup>
</p><p> </p><p> <br/>  <sup>He is also a ghoul. He's been through a lot, but he knows how to handle things. </sup></p><p> </p><p>___</p><p> </p><p>  <sup>Each chapter is written along to each song of Halsey's Badlands. There are 16 songs, so there will be 16 chapters. Updates will not follow a regular schedule, so check back once in a while to see if the story has updated.</sup></p><p>  <sup>You don't have to listen to Badlands, since each story is just based on the lyrics posted in the notes. You can if you want to, though!</sup></p><p>  <sup>Enjoy!</sup></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. castle

**Author's Note:**

> ____
> 
> "I'm headed straight for the castle  
> 
> 
> They wanna make me their queen  
> 
> 
> And there's an old man sitting on the throne that's saying that I probably shouldn't be so mean  
> 
> 
> I'm headed straight for the castle  
> 
> 
> They've got the kingdom locked up  
> 
> 
> And there's an old man sitting on the throne that's saying I should probably keep my pretty mouth shut"  
> 
> 
>   
>  -Halsey  
> 
> 
> ____

"It's Angel!" 

A CCG investigator yelled. Around the investigator were many more, each equipped with a weapon of some sort, most were quinques. They were all staring up towards the night sky, eyes focused on the incoming ukaku ghoul. 

The ghoul, Angel, was an SS ranking and was feared by most investigators. Whenever Angel had caused a scene or committed a crime, many CCG investigators were always there, but only a few came back.

The ghoul always wore a mask to conceal their identity (as most ghouls do), but there were numerous reasons why Angel was known. 

Angel was exceptionally strong, hence their SS rating. Many ghouls in general were stronger than the average human, but Angel was more. They were able to flip cars with their bare hands, they usually delivered one-hit blows, killing a person with just one punch. They were also known by their mask. This ghoul's mask was a depiction of a crying figure; the eyes were upturned and had black tears streaming from the holes. The mouth was pulled down into a frown, lips were bold and red and dramatic. Angel's hair, or wig, had always changed. 

_"When I fought them, they had long pink hair! Almost up to their ankles!"_

_"But when they were causing havok in the 20th district, they were bald!"_

_"Angel had blue spiky hair when I fought them!"_

But the main reason this ghoul was widely known and feared was because of their kagune, which earned them the nickname "Angel."

Ukaku means "feather-red," describing the wing-like kagune and the color of it. However, this term was used loosely when it came to Angel. First , their kagune was not blood red. The kagune was an eye-piercing white that stood out against the blanket of black and deep purples which were the night sky. It flared from their back like a moonlit fire, easily catching the attention of anyone around them. When the ukaku became crystallized and shot like a machine gun, it looked like a monstrous storm of hail raining down with no mercy. Secondly, ukaku ghouls cannot use their wings to fly. Although lightweight, the ghoul's body is too heavy for the ukaku to support it. However, Angel's ukaku was strong enough to support them for short periods of time, enabling Angel to glide through the air or give Angel more momentum for a more powerful and lethal blow.

That's why they were so feared. They were not some regular ghoul. 

Angel was dangerous. 

 

__

 

The battle was in the 12th district, in an urban city that was decorated by many buildings and freeways. The Doves were positioned on an empty freeway, an army of soldiers, quinques at the ready. From a tall skyscraper Angel jumped and was falling towards the ground. 

Immediately they were noticed. 

"The wings!" Another investigator shouted. Angel was coming down on them with a great speed, and their kagune was manifesting. Flares of white began to peek from the ghoul's attire. The investigator yelled again, "Wings! Everyone, shield yourselves!" At those words, Angel's crystallized ukaku began to shoot projectiles down onto the army of investigators. The projectiles rained down, impacting the ground and the investigators' quinques that shielded their bodies. There were cries of pain; some shells had either scratched or stabbed skin. 

As the last of Angel's projectiles fired, the kagune had returned to it's flexible state, and the ghoul had landed onto the ground. The ukaku began to harden again, this time into the shape of a sharp blade. Instantly, Angel began to swing their body around the investigators, the sword-like ukaku creating cuts deep enough to kill. Investigators were yelling all sorts of things, warnings, yells of retreat, war cries. Angel ceased their attacks and landed in a low-crouch, their ukaku abandoning the crystal state. 

There was a slight delay in Angel's actions, and a Dove decided to take matters into their own hands. They took off towards Angel, yelling as they prepared their rapier quinque for an attack. Angel was caught off guard by this and stumbled backwards, trying to steady themselves. Their ukaku swung in front of them, just in time for the investigator to get caught by it. However, the Dove's attack was quicker, and their quinque managed to stab into Angel's abdomen, causing the ghoul to curse loudly, "Shit!" 

A Dove caught Angel's voice; "It's a female!" 

The investigator that attacked Angel was impacted by her ukaku and was thrown with much force against the cement floor, killed instantly, but the attack was enough to disable Angel for a second. Many investigators caught this delay and copied the dead investigator's moves. Three Doves ran straight for Angel, who struggled to remove the quinque that had injured her. Caught off guard, the three Dove's attacked Angel all at once, piercing their quinques into Angel; one into her chest, one into her ukaku, and one into her abdomen once more. 

Angel released an animalistic, yet painful holler. She tried to struggle, but the quinques that impaled her restricted most of her movements.  "Now!" A Dove yelled. "Capture her!" Then, a flurry of investigators ran to the four, while the three Doves moved to pin Angel down. 

' _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!'_

"Let me go!" Angel bellowed. "Goddamn it, let me go!" Her wounds tried desperately to heal, but her regeneration abilities were halted for some reason Angel did not know. _'Is this a new technology that stops regeneration?'_ She thought to herself.  Her ukaku also refused to resurface.

Suddenly, a flurry of chains were clasped around Angel's arms and legs. She was hauled up by two investigators, and she noticed the chains that bound her arms and legs were chained together, connected. Angel was held up and restrained, despite her movements. Whatever she did as an effort to escape, it only made her even more tired and weak. 

_'What's wrong with me? Why am I so weak all of a sudden?'_

Angel's head hung low; she was ashamed of her sudden incapability to do anything. She heard footsteps approaching, but she did not look up. Instead she let the footsteps get closer until she could see the shoes that stood in front of her. Suddenly a hand grabbed a handful of her hair and tugged it up, forcefully holding up Angel's head. Angel hissed at the pain of the grip. Another hand reached up to her face and wrapped around her mask, pulling it off swiftly. Her face was hit by a chill wind, making her struggle against the people holding her back. Her teeth bared at the person holding her hair up as an attempt to intimidate them. But the person, a male, remained stone faced as he examined her features. 

After a few minutes, the man's grip on her hair released, and it fell, framing Angel with (H/C) locks. The man began to walk away, and he waved (with his right hand, which was covered by a red glove) to, what seemed, no one in particular. He spoke, "Chain her up. We're taking her back to base for interrogation," and all the investigators scurried around. The ones restraining Angel dragged her to a van, where she was thrown into the back, chained to metal hoops in the floor to hold her down. As the van began to move, an investigator smirked at her. 

"Angel? An SS ranking ghoul? Were those things I heard back at base a rumor or what?" He elbowed the female Dove next to him, and the two shared a laugh as Angel glared at them. 

 


	2. hold me down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel is interrogated at CCG, where her name is revealed. She talks to an investigator who she, for some reason, can trust. The investigator senses something about her, but he doesn't know what exactly it is. 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> (also ooc kaneki ken haha whoops)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ____
> 
> "My demons are begging me to open up my mouth  
>  I need them mechanically make the words come out  
>  They fight me, vigorous and angry, watch them pounce  
>  Ignite me, licking at the flames they bring about."  
>  -Halsey 
> 
> ____

Angel struggled against the chains the held her down to the floor, yelling obscenities at the CCG Doves. "God damn it! Let me out of these!"

An investigator looked at her with a quirked eyebrow. "You really think I'm gonna do that? Are you stupid?" Angel growled, her kakugan staring menacingly at the investigator.

   "I swear when I get out of here, I'm coming for your family. I'll eat them to the marrow, starting at the legs, then crawling up  _slooowly_ so they'll be alive to scream out for ' _mercy, mercy, please!'_ And when I'm done with them, you're next!"

The Dove seemed bothered by her words, for a fearful look formed his face. Angel laughed loudly, still fighting against the chains.  "Did I scare you, honey? It looks like I did! Ha  _ha!_ One point for Angel, zero for you ghoul-killing scum!" Angel continued to guffaw before being butted in the head by the end of a gun, making her dizzy for a few seconds. 

"Shut up, damn monster. Can you be quiet for one second?" 

 

___

 

 

Angel was put into an interrogation room, where she sat on a chair and her limbs were chained tightly to the floor. Still, she was incapable of breaking through the chain. No matter how much strength she put into her arms and legs, the chain would not snap. Angel thought about the quinques she was impaled with, and how she became incredibly weak after that. 

_ 'Maybe the quinque released some... weird chemical, perhaps? How could that be possible though?'  _ Angel came up with countless theories of her sudden weakness, each seemed either wrong or just plain stupid. 

She stared at the clock posted on the wall for a while. After she realized that she had been held in the room for two hours without anyone passing by, she became restless. There was a large two way mirror that acted as a wall, so she yelled, "I know you guys are in there! Fuckin' come in here and say  _something_ before I rot away and die!" After five minutes of no response, Angel released an exasperated exhale. She tilted her head back until she touched the frame of the chair, and she closed her eyes temporarily. 

**_ BANG,  _ ** the door swung open so harshly that an intense wind shot through the room, making Angel jump and snap her eyes open. The same male who had held her head up walked into the room with the same stone faced, uninterested expression. Angel watched as he shut the door behind him, keeping her eyes locked to his. She furrowed her eyebrows to show her impatience, but he didn't react. Finally he walked to the chair opposite of you and sat down. He took the glasses off his face and put them aside on the table, then interlocked his hands and rested his chin on them. 

The two stayed silent before the investigator said, "Angel, SS ghoul, ukaku-type kagune. Correct?" Angel kept her mouth closed, but nodded to confirm. 

The male continued, "You're pretty feared here at CCG, you know?" Angel nodded her head again and smugly smirked. The investigator leaned towards her, keeping his gaze to you. "Well, before I ask you anything, I want to let you know that I am not scared of you. Got that? So don't try to intimidate me with anything stupid; it won't work." Angel's smirk disappeared and was replaced with a slight frown, uncomfortable of the shift of tone in the male's voice. 

The male leaned in closer. "Don't try using your strength either. You have RC suppressants running through your veins, enough to impair a ghoul for 48 hours," Angel shivered. _48 hours?_ "So if you think about throwing me some disrespect or if I hear the slightest tone of sass--" He suddenly whipped out a small dagger from inside his trench coat and threw it towards you, missing the skin of her cheek by a few inches. The cut hurt more than usual, and the proximity of the cut to her sinuses made her eyes water. "--you're gonna get about 45 more of those for every remark you make." 

Angel's eyes remained watery, so she blinked a couple of times to clear them. She spoke, "I thought this was an interrogation, not a torture session."

At those words, the investigator reached into his trench coat, and Angel bit her lip. "We can make this whatever you want. It's up to you." Angel chose to stay quiet. 

 

__

 

"Can you tell me where you came from?" He asked. Angel remained silent; there was something  _weird_ about him. Angel couldn't tell what it was, but she felt that he was more... neutral? She wasn't sure, but she didn't want to jeopardize her own safety by asking about him. 

"Um, the tenth ward..." Angel looked down at her lap. He was staring at her and it felt like he was doing an examination on her features. It made her feel vulnerable. 

He continued, "And when did you enter the first ward?" Angel still kept her head down. 

"About... twelve years ago." 

   "And how old are you?"

   "Twenty four."

Why was she answering all of his questions? She didn't know why she was suddenly submissive. Normally she would retort with sarcastic comments and quips.

Maybe because she didn't want 1000 cuts all over her body.

The investigator then asked, "Do you know me from somewhere?" Angel couldn't help but raise her head. _That's_ what the feeling is; familiarity. Angel replied, "U-um, no..." She decided not to tell the truth this time. The man nodded his head slightly with pursed lips, arms crossed. Angel was so confused; the mood suddenly shifted from tense to awkward. 

"Why do you ask, sir?" Angel blurted out, immediately biting her tongue after. The man looked at her, once again scanning her face. Angel forced herself to hold eye contact (despite the increasing blood flow in her cheeks).

"Why are you so obedient?" The male retorted back. He obviously seemed bothered by the question, and he reached back into his trench coat, which made the female ghoul's breath increase. "You've been answering every question I ask you, and from what I heard, the SS ranking ghoul named "Angel" is not a very obedient person."

   "I-I-I don't know, sir, I was asking myself that question, as well."  

   "I'll take advantage of that, then. Tell me your real name." 

Angel froze.  _Real name?_ "W-What do you plan to do with that information?"

   "Tell me your name." His voice raised slightly. 

   "Mmmm..." Angel hummed in her throat. "It's, um... (Y/N) Shizuma." She decided to use a fake surname. The investigator nodded his head again, this time putting his hand to his chin in thought, "(Y/N)..."

(Y/N) looked at the investigator with a testing expression. "What's your name?" 

He looked at her again with the same examining look. "Investigator Sasaki."  

The ghoul suddenly felt a relieved  when he revealed his name.

After that, Sasaki didn't bother to ask her anymore questions. The two just sat in silence, each staring at their own laps before the door opened with a quiet _click._ Sasaki looked up, but (Y/N)'s head remained hung. She didn't feel like responding to anything anymore. 

"Associate Special Class Investigator?" A timid female voice spoke. "We have to put Angel in her cell, now."

As Sasaki got up, he corrected the woman, "(Y/N) Shizuma is Angel, Investigator Ruka. Please let the public know we have captured her." He began to work at the chains that held (Y/N) back "Let them know that they can sleep well in their beds tonight."

"Yes, sir." Ruka replied.

And (Y/N) never felt so defeated. 


	3. new americana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  She feels bad and fond and hatred for Sasaki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  "Survival of the richest, the city's ours until the fall.
> 
>  ...
> 
> We are the new Americana."
> 
>  -Halsey

Yeah, the only reason why they kept her alive was because they thought she knew more. 

The investigators at CCG thought (Y/N) was some kind of... ringleader. They believed that some of the recent ghoul attacks were organized and led by her.

   "So just because I'm strong; that means I'm the reason for all the mess?"

She had gotten forty-five cuts for that along her left arm for that question. When the unknown investigator preformed these cuts, she didn't let out a single yelp (even though she really wanted to). (Y/N) saw the cuts as a way to release all her anger. Each time the Dove dug a small knife into her skin, (Y/N) focused all her negative energy into the leaking blood. 

But she actually knew. She  _was_ responsible for the recent attacks. 

Well, not all of them. She wasn't the one who organized the attack on CCG's base in the 11th ward (which, was excellently played out. She raised a glass to whoever planned that). However, she was responsible for the group ghoul killing of Investigator Ayumi Sarakato, a green Dove who had just entered the field.  _And_ she was part of the raid of the 6th ward; the one where many civilian houses were burned down and corporate buildings were vandalized.  _And_ she contributed to much of the bloodshed in the 13th ward. 

    _'Mmmm, not something to be proud of.'_

_    'Who am I kidding? It is damn well something to be proud of.' _

 

(Y/N) was held in solitary confinement for nine days. The eighth day was when she received her first set of forty-five cuts. On the tenth day was when she was scheduled for another questioning. 

During her confinement, she usually asked herself,  _'Why are they still keeping me alive? Usually ghouls would be killed as soon as the Doves had an advantage. Why am I still alive?"_

_ Yeah, the only reason why they kept her alive was because they thought she knew more,  _ but (Y/N) didn't really know that. 

On the ninth day, (Y/N) sighed and rolled over her bed for the one-millionth time. She kept asking herself those questions, and many more questions, and many  _many_ more until she couldn't handle it and her head began to ache. 

(Y/N) tried many times to use her kagune and break out of the goddamned cell, but still, she couldn't bring herself to unleash her ukaku. It was like it wouldn't listen to her, like it would ignore her many tries, like the way a teenager ignores their parent when the latter yells at the former to get out of bed. 

Minutes turned to hours as (Y/N) became restless in her cell. The only time (Y/N) was let out of her cell was during rec time, where fellow ghoul prisoners were allowed some open air.

For only thirty minutes. Then back in the fucking cell for another  _six. hours._

(Y/N) yelled so loud in her cell to be let out, to  _get me the fuck out of here or I'll turn your sister's brains into dog food,_ until the tenth day, where two armed guards opened the doors and said she's due for the last interrogation.

 

 

__

 

This time, she was held in a different interrogation room; smaller, more confined. But, again, she was chained down, this time directly to the table instead of at her sides. Her ankles were chained down, the cuffs were too tight and her ankles become itchy, which pissed _the fuck_ out of (Y/N). 

She was definitely going to receive more cuts during that hour. 

(Y/N) was interrogated by the same Investigator; Sasaki. He wore a different attire from the last time she saw him. He wore a black dress suit tucked into black trousers. Again, he wore a red glove on his right hand. The top two buttons of his shirt were left separate, revealing his collarbone and the pale tint of his skin. He did not wear glasses that time, however. This gave (Y/N) a better opportunity to study his face; somewhat pale, subtle shadow circles under each eye. 

( (Y/N) couldn't help but feel a little bad for him. He had to spend his time interrogating her, which, in her opinion, was useless and time wasting.)

Sasaki sat down in the chair opposite of her, sighing heavily. He sat, slouched, looking defeated and exhausted. 

(Y/N) stared at him, uncertain of what to do. 

She suddenly cleared her throat, making Sasaki throw a  _shady ass_ glare at her. (Y/N)'s face mirrored her reaction; her eyes widened and eyebrows raised, lips pursed and she looked away. She nodded knowingly. 

_ She knows when a girl is having mood swings.  _

   "Not today, huh?" (Y/N) said with a small chuckle. 

Sasaki seemed to growl before saying, "Of course not." He sat up straighter while continuing, "I don't even know why I'm here; I don't even know what to ask you."

   "I suggest you let me out, then." She motioned to the cuffs around her wrists.

   "And why in the world would I do that?" 

   "Because you're obviously not up for this shit."

Sasaki furrowed his eyebrows. "I hope I don't look--"

   "You do."

(Y/N) prepared for a small knife or dagger or some sharp thing to suddenly stab at whatever of her skin was exposed, but nothing stung. The investigator examined her face, his eyes suddenly studying and focused. 

   "Are you sure I don't know you?"

She shrugged, "I dunno, shouldn't you know that?"

Sasaki just hummed. 

 

___

 

   "Can I go back to my cell, now?" 

Hell of an interrogation. Hell, it wasn't even an interrogation. It was more like a wasted hour. Ninety percent silence, ten percent awkward eye contact and small talk. 

Sasaki let out another defeated sigh and muttered  _what am I gonna tell my boss_ before standing up to undo the chains.

   "What a waste of time," the investigator said, fumbling at the cuffs. "Didn't get anything out of you before the last day."

His words suddenly piqued (Y/N)'s senses. "What? Last day?" 

Sasaki seemed to consider answering, for he paused while undoing the restraints. However, he continued, shaking his head to dismiss what she asked. (Y/N) asked him again, but he didn't reply. 

 

What did he mean by that? A guard gripped (Y/N)'s right arm while the other kept the barrel of his gun against her back. The three then exited the room and began to walk to return to her cell.

   "Wait," (Y/N) heard Sasaki's voice; she turned her head back, but kept taking steps. "Angel, do you happen to have two scars on one of your shoulders?"

(Y/N)'s steps halted, catching the guards off guard and making them trip. The guard that had the gun to her back shifted forward to point the gun towards her head.

_ But she could care less about him.  _

(Y/N)'s head turned slowly, a shocked and oddly  _dangerous_ expression on her face. The mood of the situation had altered dramatically. (Y/N) struggled against the other guard's grip on her arm. 

   "How the fuck did you know about that?!" (Y/N) couldn't help but yell.  _No one was supposed to know no one could've known no one no one **no one.**_ "How?! How did you know?!" 

 

{  _"I'm so sorry papa I'm sorry I'm sorry please don't hurt me don't don't please don't do--" }_

 

 

The ghoul felt tears moisturizing her cheeks. She almost lashed free before the two guards had placed cuffs around her wrists and held her back, making her slip and almost fall to the ground. The guards caught her, but still restrained her.

   "How?! Fucking Sasaki tell me how the fuck you know about that! Goddamnit tell me right now Sasaki! No one knows about that how do you?!" (Y/N) screeched madly into the air, and she saw Sasaki's eyes; wide and filled with disbelief.

He pursed his lips and pivoted away from the three, swiftly retreating the scene while (Y/N) kept yelling and begging for an answer.   

___

 

The guards practically threw her into the cell. But before they could shut the doors, (Y/N) yelped, "Wait! Sasaki said something about a last day? Do you know what he meant?"

One of the guards raised an eyebrow at the other, nodded. He then looked at (Y/N) with no expression, "These interrogations were just for information. Angel is to be exterminated permanently in 04000 hours. Today is the last of release from her cell before her extermination."  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last interrogation scene i promise !!
> 
> it wasn't even a fucking interrogation more like "filler chapter bcuz im tired and it's 2:30 am and i just wanna get this done"
> 
> _i was listening to filthyfrank's album "pink guy" while writing this jfc_
> 
> im sorry if this chapter made u go "wtf" i had writer's block sorrysorry
> 
> up next: the scar arc


	4. drive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "All we do is think about the feelings that we hide
> 
> all we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign
> 
> sick and full of pride...
> 
> carves into my hollow chest,
> 
> spreads over the emptiness;
> 
> it's bliss."
> 
> -Halsey
> 
> ___

When the heavy cell door closed shut, (Y/N) fell to the floor, collapsing on her knees and stared at the door with wide eyes.

_ "Exterminated..." _

_ "...0400 hours..." _

  "L-Last time?" (Y/N) echoed the guards words. The last time she'd be released from her cell... 

What the fuck was she supposed to do in the remaining 40 hours? That's more than a day and a half; what is she gonna do in her damn cell? The cell was tiny as fuck, and the only activity to do would be jogging in place.

Which (Y/N) would _not_ _fucking do._

She felt so many emotions bubbling in her blood-- anger, sadness, indignance,  _fear._ Her body was trembling and she couldn't help but release a few frightened whimpers.

(Y/N) realized how short her life had been. Sure, she's twenty four, but she didn't want to die. Not in a day, not in a month, not in her entire lifetime.  She had so many things to do, so many sights to see...

_'So many people to eat...'_ (Y/N) laughed to herself, and she continued to laugh until she could no longer laugh and pretend that everything is okay.

She was going to DIE, for fuck's sake. 

 

  

 

(Y/N) moved to the bed after sitting on the floor for forty minutes. She then laid down on her left side and shifted to face the cell wall. 

The girl was hopeless. What was she supposed to do? She couldn't break out; she had been injected with more RC cell suppressants that was enough to disable her for three days (the doctor had told her themselves).

Her kagune was basically the only thing that would be able to ruin the door. Her mere physical strength was probably enough to break a few bones, but not hard-ass metal. 

 

   "...What am I--" She whispered to herself, but she stopped. 

(Y/N) realized,

she was finished. 

The ghoul felt tears peaking through her eyes, spilling down from them and flooding her cheeks.  _'I am weak and I can't do anything to save myself.'_

The idea of weakness was something (Y/N) wasn't fond of. All her life, she was taught (willingly  _and_ forcefully) that weakness will cause the downfall of an individual. Everybody she knew that lacked strength would die, and that would be her lesson.

_"Get stronger or you'll fucking die."_ Her father used to repeat.  _"If you don't get strong, you're gonna damn well regret it and get injured or some shit and you'll think of me and my face when you scream out in agony--"_

"Stop it!" (Y/N) howled suddenly, hitting the mattress with her fist. Her eyes were slammed shut so tightly that her tears stopped flowing. Then, she slowly reopened them. She was  **horrified** of herself. Was she going crazy? Was she losing her sanity? 

What was happening to her?

Absentmindedly, her left arm reached over to graze the scar on her opposite shoulder. She felt the hard ridges of the skin and remembered the pain that had accompanied it. 

 

{ _you're not my daugther_ _you're not my daugther you're not my daugther_ }

 

Her tears began to pile again; she whispered to herself, "I am your daughter, I am your daughter," over and over and over again. She gripped her scarred shoulder, and again, slammed her eyelids closed, whispering ever so softly,  _i am your daughter i am your daughter i am your daughter_

The ghoul's fingers ghosted over her scar softly, as if she was soothing a disturbed cat back into a calm state. She thought to herself,  _'I am the disturbed cat who can't be calm ever again,'_ and she laughed to herself for a second time. 

...

Yeah, she knew she was going crazy or something, but hell, that's the fun of life. 

 

___

 

_ Sasaki.  _

How did he know about her scar? She was pretty sure that she told no one about it, and if she did...

No, she didn't tell _anybody._

Did someone "check" her while she was unconscious (which she never was, but still, you'd never know) or something? Was the scar visible during the battle before she was captured? Was it evident and shown through her clothing? 

_ Sasaki. _

She remembered their first interaction-- on the field. Where he grabbed her hair and made her look at him. She stared into his eyes, but all she saw him as was an enemy. Just another regular Dove who hated ghouls.

_ But he wasn't an enemy. He wasn't a "regular Dove." _

Then she thought of the second time they talked: her first interrogation. Where she learned his name and he learned hers. 

 

_ Sasaki and (y/n).  _

 

She thought of his past questions: her name and his familiarity with her. (Y/N) was still confused over why he asked if he knew her from somewhere, but she couldn't deny that the two knew each other, somehow, someway. 

Maybe it's because she's a masochist, or maybe there's something twisted about her, but she can't ignore the feeling that Sasaki is making her feel, which sounds a little crazy; he makes her feel confused, frightened, but also warm and safe. 

No, it's not love, because she knows what love is like, and that is not it. 

Suddenly she is glad that he knows her. 

Somehow and someway. 

 

___

 

She was going to find out how Sasaki knew about her scar.

Through hell or high water,

she is going to find out.

Somehow

and someway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> filler chapter after filler chapter after filler chapter
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>  1/3 of the scar arc.  
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	5. hurricane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "i'm a wanderess
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> i'm a one night stand
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> don't belong to no city
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> don't belong to no man 
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> i'm the violence in the pouring rain 
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> i'm a hurricane." 
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> -Halsey
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She decided that she was not going to let anyone kill her; she would not let anyone determine her own fate other than herself. 

She devised a plan.

 

___

 

_ I. Steal the syringes. _

 

The cell door creaked open loudly, making (Y/N) sit up on her bed. She pulled back the hood of her jacket that covered her forehead to see who opened the door. Two CCG guards, each equipped with an automatic machine gun in hand, stood underneath the door frame. 

   "Before the public execution, you are to be injected with one more dose of RC cell suppressants," one of the guards spoke. (Y/N) stayed quiet, but her eyebrows furrowed and her mouth turned down into a deep frown; her expression was spoke her words. However, she obediently stood up and walked over to the entrance way. The guard that spoke spun her suddenly and roughly, making (Y/N) growl in her throat. The guards remained unintimidated. The other guard slapped hand cuffs around her wrists, then she was shoved to move forward.

Silently, (Y/N) was escorted by the two guards. (Y/N) didn't know where she was going, but the guards led her from behind. Carefully, the ghoul read the signs on the rooms that they passed, taking note of their location.

_Just in case she needed them for future reference._  

After being navigated through many turns and hallways, the three ended up standing in front of a door with a sign that displayed the words "SURGERY ROOM VII."

   "Injecting RC cell suppressants in the surgery room?" (Y/N) quirked her eyebrows. It  _was_ a little strange to be injected in the surgery room; all anyone needed was a syringe filled with the suppressants, not scalpels and oxygen masks. 

She noticed the guards give each other a knowing glance, making Angel's heart rate increase. 

_ Hopefully this doesn't interfere with the plan,  _ she thought to herself. Nonetheless, (Y/N) couldn't help but feel a tad bit nervous. 

The door opened and revealed a brightly-lit operating room. It was a standard operating room, the one shown in movies. An operating table was located in the middle, and was surrounded with various medical equipment and nurses and doctors. All of the occupying persons were all doing a certain task, speaking words that (Y/N) was not familiar with. In a few seconds, the nurses and doctors stopped their tasks to look at (Y/N). They're gazes made her feel strangely uncomfortable. 

_ Okay... This  _ definitely  _is not just a mere additional dose of suppressants. It's something more._

The guards undid the handcuffs around her wrists but still kept an eye on her. One of the guards pushed her forward, and three of the nurses caught her before she fell to the floor.  The grips of the nurses were strong as they guided her to the operating table, where the nurses and doctors stood around in an orderly fashion. 

She didn't fight back. She couldn't.

   "Hey, why must there be so many of you here?" (Y/N) asked, but she received no response. "It's only a damn injection..." In the back of her mind, though, she knew that there was something way more drastic going on. 

_ It's important to stick to the plan.  _

 

 

 

(Y/N) was brought to an empty corner of the room and was told to change into a hospital gown by a male. Hesitantly, she took the folded gown from the man's hands and began to remove her old shirt*. As she was doing so, she couldn't help but overhear some of the conversations between the other persons.

    _"Shizuma (Y/N). Twenty four..."_

_    "...Room seven..." _

The ghoul slowed down her movements to listen carefully to the words being spoken. 

    _"...Execution... Before..."_

_    "...Lethal inject--" _

Her breath quickened. Was she hearing details of her execution? The strangeness of the current situation hit her. Lethal? What was lethal? What was this surgery for? What are they adding? What are they removing? What were they going to do to her?

(Y/N) didn't want to change into the gown. She stopped removing her clothes, and put her own shirt back on. However, she remained still and stayed at the corner to continue eavesdropping on the conversations.

She heard different words; "dangerous" and "more anesthesia" and "be cautious."

And then she heard "...Removal of kagune."

It seemed as if time slowed down when she heard those words. (Y/N)'s breath hitched in her throat, and her eyes stretched widely.

The area began to move in slow-motion.*

   "R-removal of..." (Y/N) whispered to herself.  Shen noticed the same male nurse that gave her the gown walking toward her slowly, his hand outstretched towards her. "... _kagune?_ "

 

_ she would not let anyone determine her own fate other than herself.  _

 

   "Are you okay?" The nurse spoke softly. Despite the calm-sounding tone in his voice, (Y/N) could see the caution and fear in his eyes. 

It was time to show them Angel. 

(Y/N)'s bared her teeth menacingly and she activated her kakugan. At the sight of her blood-red pupils, the nurse's face donned a terrified expression. He began to step back and his mouth opened to yell, but before he could, (Y/N)'s ukaku surfaced, shining brighter than the lights that illuminated the operating room. This caught the attention of all the people in the room, the nurses, the doctors, the guards. Immediately, the guards standing at the door armed their weapons and began to run towards her, but before anyone could actually utter a word, Angel yelled out,

_**"GET AWAY FROM ME."** _

Instantly her kagune hardened and shot projectiles in all directions, stabbing the male nurse in front of her and the guards and the remaining doctors. 

Not one bullet was fired before Angel killed them all.

The bodies slumped to the floor at the same time, synchronized, and Angel could not help but feel satisfied when the  _thud_ reached her ears. A smile peaked onto her face, then the ghoul released a short laugh of victory. 

   "You can't steal Angel's kagune!" She barked at nothing. "It would be defiant against God."

_ Pretty fuckin' cool.  _

 

Her kagune softened and curled to retreat back into their sacs. Her kagune disappeared as well, but she kept her irises the blood-red color. Just for the hell of it.  

(Y/N) stepped over the male nurse's body (and many other bodies) to search for the syringes containing the RC cell suppressants. She saw some broken syringes with the distinct moss-green color surrounding the glass, and she saw many broken empty syringes.

But were there any syringes intact with the fluid still inside? (Y/N) hoped that some were still intact (or else this plan would've been over from the start). 

Thankfully, she found two syringes filled with the fluid underneath a female doctor. (Y/N) grinned and carried the syringes in the pockets of her jacket. As a thank you gesture, she took two bites out of the doctor's shoulder and drank the blood from her skin before leaving the operating room.

 

_ II. Find the mask. _

 

(Y/N)'s second step to her plan was pretty easy.

Right across from the surgery room was a door with a sign that read "STORAGE." (Y/N) entered [the room](http://media.moddb.com/cache/images/mods/1/24/23263/thumb_620x2000/Amnesia_2013-07-14_19-40-19-79.png); the lights were off, but she could still see piles of boxes that hit the ceiling, shelves stored with miscellaneous items, and there was a lone desk that stood in the far corner of the room. 

She decided to ignore the boxes and shelves. Instead, she headed straight for the desk. 

   "What a coincidence." (Y/N) spoke to herself when she looked down at [the counter](http://i.imgur.com/R7HPVSa.png). Laying there was her mask. The familiar over-dramatic, crying face that (Y/N) once loved. 

But she loved it no longer. 

For a strange reason, the mask looked a bit too... cartoonish.  _Red lips? What was I thinking?_ (Y/N) thought to herself. 

She actually had another idea before, an idea that she was supposed to bring up to Uta a few days ago, but on the time-sensitive "mission" she was on, she couldn't add those features to her mask. 

(Y/N) opened the drawer and found tape, crumpled up papers, and a black permanent marker. (Y/N) frowned; what was she supposed to do with these materials? 

The whole thing was lowkey beginning to piss her off. 

(Y/N), impatient, took the permanent marker and popped the cap off. She added something alright; she drew a huge,  **X** and drew it over and over, until the X covered most of the crying expression on the mask. _It'll do,_ Angel thought as she put the mask onto her face. 

And now, the last step of her plan. 

Find the bastard named Sasaki. 

 

___

 

_ III. Find him.  _

How was she going to find him in this big ass building? She didn't have time to search each room on each floor. 

She had left the storage room about ten minutes ago, and it was inevitable that the bodies were found. (Y/N) was surprised that there was no alarm blaring or a speaker on the PA warning everyone about the loose ghoul that was wandering through CCG. As she was walking through an unknown hallway, (Y/N) was trying to come up with a plan to lure Sasaki to her.

She continued to walk aimlessly, and she didn't notice the guard who had a gun pointed at her.

   " _Fuck!_ " Angel yelled as something hit her shoulder rather hard. Looking up, she saw the guard standing at the other end of the hallway with their automatic pointed straight to her.

The guard leaned down to the walkie-talkie on his shoulder and watched as he began to speak into it. (Y/N) used the guard's foolish actions to her advantage and unleashed her kagune. She dashed suddenly towards the guard and used her ukaku to build momentum, speeding up her off-guard attack. 

Angel drew her fist back and swung it forward as she came close enough to the guard. She punched the guard's shoulder, and he was thrown back onto the wall behind him. A gush of blood drew from his mouth as his back hit the wall. Angel landed on all fours and quickly sprinted to the guard. 

_ Please don't be dead don't be dead don't be dead, _

and thankfully, he wasn't. 

Angel crouched down to look into the guard's face, and when the two made eye contact, the male guard tried to draw his gun. Angel anticipated this and her ukaku grabbed the gun and whipped it to the sidewall, creating deep cracks into the wall. 

   "Listen to me," Angel spoke, her voice low. The guard released a terrified whimper and tried to escape from Angel's proximity, but her ukaku pinned him back against the wall. "Jesus christ, stop. I won't kill you if you listen to me very carefully." The guard seemed to comply, for he stopped struggling against her ukaku. 

Angel looked behind her to see if there were any Investigators creeping up, but there were none. The hallway remained empty. Angel turned back to the guard and she removed her mask. She looked straight into his eyes and said, "Okay, here's what I need you to do. You know Investigator Sasaki."

The guard nodded his head violently. "Y-Yes, I do. Please don't kill me!"

   "Shut up! I won't kill you. Talk into your walkie talkie and say..." Angel thought. "Say that Angel was seen on the third floor, and state what hallway this is." The guard looked at her with a confused and just down right  _stupid_ look. Angel growled at him and spoke firmly, " _Do it._ " 

The guard whimpered once more before reaching over and pressing a button on the walkie talkie before speaking, "I-Investigator Sasaki... The ghoul, Angel, was spotted on the third floor in the north hallway. Heard uttering the words "Kill Sasaki kill Saski" repeatedly. Please be advised." 

Angel raised an eyebrow.  _Seriously?_

A voice spoke in response. "On my way," Angel noticed it as Sasaki's voice. 

Just to be the sadistic ghoul she is, Angel said to the guard, "Was that last part really necessary? Rhetorical question; no," and she used her kagune to stab the guard in through his chest before he could respond. 

Angel stood up from her crouch and looked around the hallway for a hiding spot. She decided to hide behind a turn that was concealed from the hallway entrance, which was the most likely place for Sasaki to walk through.

 

 

Six minutes passed, and (Y/N) heard footsteps suddenly encroaching from the entrance. She closed her eyes to focus deeply onto the footsteps, and she listened to see how far they would get before they reached her. 

She drew one of the syringes from the pockets of her jacket and waited for the steps to get closer. 

_ Step _

_ Step _

_ Step _

_ Step _

Angel emerged from the corner in a [crouched](http://i.imgur.com/fMEnICt.jpg) from to avoid any sudden overhead attacks. But nothing swung. 

Instead, she was staring up at the black-hair investigator named Sasaki, wearing a familiar trench coat and glasses. Angel slowly stood and yet, she still did not meet his height; she still had to stare up at him. 

Sasaki sighed before saying, "Look, I don't know what you want, but, can we do it somewhere else?" Angel was surprised; how did he know that she wouldn't attack him?  _Guess I won't be needing the suppressants anymore,_ (Y/N) thought as she tossed the syringe in her hand to the side.

   "How would we leave here then? I can't just walk out of here with you." Her white ukaku remained flaring behind her, and she found Sasaki staring at them. Her cheeks heated, and she couldn't help but look away from him.

   "I'll tell them that I need to take you somewhere before your execution, which I think won't happen."

Angel nodded, but kept her face hidden. She began to retract her ukaku when she heard Sasaki say, "Don't. Leave it there. It's actually kind of pretty."

(Y/N) whipped her head up with her (E/C) irises, and she stared at him. "What?"

Sasaki shook his head, "Nevermind. Hold on; let me talk to my men first." As he reached into one trench coat pocket, he said, "I saw some of your messes." 

She couldn't help but laugh. "What can I say? I'm a goddamn hurricane." 

... (Y/N) forgot she was bleeding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2/3 of the scar arc. 
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> BUT ARe you guys ready for sasaki x reader fluff next chapter ?? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
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> PS shoutout to user Tsu for being such an encouraging reader! thanks for leaving your comments! <3  
> to all my other readers: don't be afraid to leave comments! i need some criticism ahahah
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> i lowkey cannot believe i got two chapters out in a day oml


	6. a note from a sad author

 

ok 

 

i feel like this story isn't going anywhere

 

i feel like no one is reading this

 

i've had a really bad case of writer's block, like, i literally cannot come up with anything

 

should i even continue this story?

 

 

 


	7. switching

okay so i've decided to post and continue this story on quotev, since there are people who still want me to update.

i don't know why, but i think updating here has no point

so yeah, it'll be on _[quotev](http://www.quotev.com/story/7314310/entering-the-badlands)_

i'll keep the previous chapters up here, though, so people will still know about it. then they'll be redirected to quotev.

to those who support me, thank you very much. i hope i haven't disappointed you in anyway.

<3


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